You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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