I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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