The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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