Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
