Soap is not a condiment
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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