i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
