I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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