Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
