all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
