Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
