im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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