I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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