Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
