Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
