if i can run in heels then i can drive
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
