Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
