is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
