I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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