new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
soo... how was my night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
