3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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