The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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