# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
