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I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
