At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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