Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
