In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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