fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
