I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
