We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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