There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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