last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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