I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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