Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
