Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
