the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
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But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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