he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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