i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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