wakey wakey hands off snakey
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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