YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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