your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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