So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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