do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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