just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize