I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
