Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
