Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
