Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
