Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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