When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
