you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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