He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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