1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
