Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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