So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
