Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
