i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
