so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
