We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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