Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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