She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
