He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
