Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
