Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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